At the heart of a life well lived is a
series of great choices or decisions. Success, happiness, contentment,
intimacy, and satisfaction are qualities we each seek during our
lifetimes.
Some
of the big choices of life involve diligence in
school, pursuing a higher education, choosing a job that brings
satisfaction, selecting a spouse that will not only be devoted and
respectful, but also will make a great parent for our children. Moving
introduces new possibilities for friends, churches, jobs, and neighbors
that can change our lives.
Sacrificing or postponing what we want often brings
great rewards.
Choosing to work long hours while sacrificing time with family can cost
dearly.
Since life is made of choices, why isn’t more
education in school
and church focused on techniques to maximize each decision?
Decision-making is a system of approaching a problem
or task.
Choices can usually be condensed into a yes or a no. Do it? Don’t do
it?
What is best for our future? That one question can
usually clarify the best move to make.
If the issue is not clear or if it is insignificant,
maintaining
quality of decisions continues to be important because at the end of
life, we are a result of those choices.
In the event of a very difficult decision, investing
in a pencil
and paper brings great payoffs. Listing the benefits and drawbacks of
each choice brings clarity to the decision as you weigh the columns to
find evidence for which direction is most likely to be the best for you.
Choosing to do homework or not can lead to choosing
to stay in
school, or not. Choosing to stay in school leads to being
surrounded
by those we are likely to decide would make the best spouse.
Choosing a great spouse leads to parenting
well-balanced children
together. Well-balanced family experiences make life satisfying and
worth the effort made all along the path of life. A new generation has
been launched into life with the wisdom gained from your great choices.
Enjoy teaching someone young what you have learned
about making decisions.
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Pain
of grief should not immobilize
Simply living
brings loss. We change, develop, and mature. Each move to a new stage
of life is a loss of innocence we can never recover. When we leave
home, we lose a position of dependency. By marrying, we give up the
idea of total independence.
More solemnly, we lose by death, divorce, and
estrangement. These losses are more painful if our interpretation
places blame on our own shoulders. When we think our choices, actions,
words said or withheld were at fault, the pain of grief heightens.
Granted, grief does have stages that seem to be
fairly universal. Denying the reality of the loss protects us from the
initial shock of great loss. It is hard to believe the loss is real.
When the reality moves in, anger comes as an
unwelcome guest. The level of anger depends on who we blame for the
loss. Ourselves? The leaver? God? Someone else? We repeatedly rehearse
what we would like to say to the one we blame for that loss.
Then come the efforts to keep things the same. If
the one we have lost is still alive, we may begin begging, making deals
to get them to return. If they are no longer living, we memorialize
them by leaving their clothes in the closet, leave their room the way
it was left, carry pictures with us. If familiarity lingers, perhaps
they will miraculously return.
When our strategies don’t bring life back to the
previous state, an overwhelming sadness and feeling of defeat pilots
life. This sense of discouragement and hopelessness impairs our
activities and productivity.
Over time, the truth becomes reality. Eventually we
can accept the validity of our loss.
Misery from grief typically resides in the original
interpretation of the loss. “I could have done something to prevent
this loss.” “I am a lousy person.” “I am impossible to love.” “I’m just
not good enough.” Most of the time, these are not even close to the
truth.
Examining the evidence, we can discover that we did
all we could. We did our best. Our boundaries or limits may have been
damaged. Many choices were under the domain of the other person, not
yours. Freedom is the key to intimacy in relationships.
Experiencing the pain of grief doesn’t need to
immobilize the one being left. True, the loss leaves a void. Emptiness
remains until new relationships begin to transform the sadness into
hope for the future. Reaching out to others helps purpose return to
living. Joy returns as we find the courage and strength to serve others
in new relationships. Top
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Guilt trips can be expensive
Guilt is a common emotion. As far
as emotions go, this one is useless – unless it lasts just long
enough for us to decide to do something differently in the future.
We can’t take away the past,
but we can repair the damage.
Guilt moves an angry man to apologize to the wife he
loves for the hurts hurled in an impulsive moment.
Guilt drives the criminal to admit an offense and be
willing to pay the cost.
Guilt motivates a child to return a shoplifted item
at the store.
Guilt convinces a wife to ask for forgiveness for
being unfaithful.
Living with and hanging on to guilt for long periods
is a certain way to let the worms of life eat away at the apple of our
spirit.
When the worms are satisfied, we feel as if nothing
is left inside. We have nothing to give to others. Our thoughts begin
to focus only on our own experience neglecting the pains, needs, or
joys of others.
The trip of guilt can be shortened if we are willing
to honestly look at and process the meaning of our offense.
What led to our poor choice? What does it mean about
us?
What are we going to do as a result of what we
discover?
How can we avoid this misery in the future?
If we ignore guilt, it tends to grow and transform
into physical problems. Headaches, stomach pains, muscle aches, poor
concentration. The best friends of guilt, fear and worry invite anxiety
and depression to accompany us everywhere we go on this trip.
The trip can’t end too soon. When we return, it
wasn’t wasted IF we have resolved a commitment to do something
different and better in the future. That is the only way to make a
guilt trip worth taking.
Surrounded by regrets, negative emotions and
thoughts, the people we love begin to pull away because they would
rather not go on these miserable trips.
If you feel guilty about anything, think about it,
decide if you were doing your best or not, if you weren’t, ask
forgiveness for your part, determine to make a wiser choice the next
time, and go on a pleasure trip with innocence. Top
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Sleep is a major
fact in feeling terrific
The phrase “I slept like a baby” never made much sense. Sleeping like a
newborn baby means awakening every few hours and sometimes crying
during the night.
Without sleep, adults usually have difficulty in
their work, relationships, and feelings. Many with sleep problems end
up depressed, anxious, and various health complications.
Most don’t like to have to take medication, but
chronic loss of sleep demands a solution. Here are some natural things
you can do to get a better nights sleep. They are not in any special
order because all are important.
Be respectful. When you have treated others in kind,
polite, non accusing, non blaming ways, they feel free from your
control. Your sleep time won’t be wasted wondering whether your main
relationships are at risk. You can be more confident that you are
valued and appreciated.
Clear your conscience. If someone has offended
you, let them know so they can tell you they are sorry and ask you to
forgive them. Forgiveness is more for you. It’s easier to go on in life
when YOU are not burdened with resentment, bitterness, and hurt. So, if
they don’t ask, forgive them anyway.
It could be that you have hurt someone and never had
the courage to apologize. Calling or writing to them is all you can do.
Even if they don’t accept your good will, you will have done all you
can.
Exercise. We have all noticed that we sleep better
when we have done something that burns a few calories. Sitting at
computers or watching TV doesn’t make our bodies feel tired and in need
of repair and recovery.
Simple stretching of muscles, isometric exercise,
yoga awareness, or love-making all improve sleep.
Develop a pre-sleep routine. Reading or praying are
great relaxers giving peace of mind before sleeping. The chemicals of
the brain are changed during both activities.
Get fresh air. Even if you don’t have much time,
just taking a walk in fresh air prepares your muscles for a better rest.
Healthy diet. A well-balanced diet is uncommon
in the U.S. Items such as milk, cheese, yogurt, beans and
cashews, seafood, chicken, are foods that are high in the brain
chemical, L-tryptophan, which promotes sleep.
One of the best things about these sleep aids is
that they are safe. When your brain and body are well nourished,
free from conflict, and fitfully tired, more restful sleep is a natural
result. Top
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Anger builds unwanted walls between families, people
People who get angry really love those they
wound. But, their anger plants fear in family members causing secrets
to be hidden from them.
Angry fathers never hear of hurts at school. Angry
mothers are not confided in when that first love blossoms.
Being an angry person means being a sad person,
because of all of the family memories and struggles they are missing.
The wall which is built traps them inside, shutting everyone else out.
Everyone outside of the angry person and their wall
is walking on eggshells, covering up information that they fear will
cause an explosion of emotions. Those explosions are like volcanoes
about to blow, causing awe and stress.
Watching violence in movies is nothing compared to
the violence that comes out of the mouth of an angry person. Thoughts
of possible death, loss or isolation flood anyone exposed to personal
anger.
Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, timidness,
shyness, poor concentration and poor performance are all fruits of
living near or with an angry person. Anger never stands alone. The
contagion may simply look different.
When anger is witnessed, it is traumatic to those
observing, even if they are not the targets of the anger. Long-term
damage affects the future of those on the sidelines of the explosions.
Not wanting the walls to be erected doesn’t prevent
them. Active effort must be exerted to address the roots of anger.
Processing the original offenses that planted the seeds of anger is the
only way to eradecate this terror-filled emotion.
Those planted seeds produced beliefs within the soil
of the angry. The beliefs have to be examined and analyzed for
validity. When the truth is uncovered, the seeds dry up and wither.
Discovering what one is really angry about may
require looking way back into the past. By looking back - and finding
what was really true - the rest of life and love can be much more
satisfying, peaceful, and rewarding.