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Intimacy is the key to great sex
Second marriages can be better than the first
Confrontations can allow people to continue loving each other

Intimacy is key to great sex

       In a world filled with images of sexual excitement and enticements, why are so many discouraged with their sexual experience?
    The key lies in the failure to build the intimacy first.
    Barriers to success in this core of life can be broken down by a healthy approach to truly knowing and understanding another.
    Communicating an interest in the needs of another brings a comfort and confidence that you are truly interested in serving the other by giving them what they need. Those needs usually fall within what Gary Chapman calls the “Five Love Languages.”
    Valuing the other by choosing to make time for them on a regular basis forms positive, and secure feelings. Sharing concerns and issues of life is more possible when ridicule and being ignored is unlikely.
    Random kind acts and words are much more effective than harsh, rough, cruel efforts to gain intimacy. It is amazing that some expect physical intimacy in the wake of a refusal to apologize or acknowledge the hurts caused in a relationship.
    Honesty builds a trust that transfers to every area of life. Trust is at the core of intimate connections. Loss of trust can be regenerated but the original level may be extremely difficult to regain.
    Respect even in response to another’s unloving behavior goes a long way to build a solid relationship. This is not to say that damage is to go without response. Response can be consistently kind, honest, and respectful.
    Commitment builds respect in quiet ways. Facial expressions, choices in entertainment and choices to act in ways that are best for the relationship, let the other person know that your relationship is more important in life. Consider pitiful choices such as alcohol, money, cars, entertainment, computers, books, newspapers, work, and even church.
    Sharing your own honest feelings, dreams, and desires may make you feel somewhat vulnerable. But, those shared intimacies are unique only to that relationship. How valuable is that? There is no other connection like yours. Enjoy the richness available by choosing these most likely components to intimacy.

Second marriages can be better than first

      We are all aware of the increasing risk of failure as subsequent remarriages take place.
    Factors that resulted in choosing the first partner are still present in future selections.
    Success depends on either changing the factors or the selection process. By improving both, second marriages can be an improvement.
    We choose a partner because they feel comfortable or familiar. If we came from a conflicted family, or had a parent that was unkind, chances are we will marry someone who uses conflict to get what they want or are unkind.
    Resolving those tendencies happens only when family origins are scrutinized and processed, usually in therapy.
    The way we see ourselves must be altered in order to select someone different from previous selections.
    To change the selection process takes time and effort. After a failed relationship, a period of at least a year is necessary to sort out the webs of the past and develop a plan to choose more wisely.
    During that year, a type of research can be undertaken.
    An inventory of the past will reveal the character traits that have been most damaging. Write them down. Take notice of the friends who attracted you with that cluster of traits.
    After close observation, you may want to develop a list of opposite traits that would make your life the way you think would be more satisfying.
    Consider this list of questions to consider.
    Do you need someone who is respectful? Kind? Able to communicate about current events?
    Is consistent in their behavior? Has a sense of humor? Is comfortable with touch?
    Do they take care of their belongings? Do they have a spiritual understanding? Can they ask for what they need from others?
    The list can go on and on.
    Then, with your list in hand, you can eliminate candidates for future partners before you get pulled into an emotional roller-coaster.
    You are in charge of your choice, not your feelings. Feelings determine our choice without the component of logic.
    Instead of leaving choices to luck or feelings, you can be the master of your fate. Positive results are increased as you consult with those who have loved you all of your life.
    Even God can be a reliable counselor, if you are willing to listen to His “No.”

Confrontations can allow people to continue loving each other

     Metaphors can make concepts clear. Rotten teeth go bad because of a systemic problem. They are necessary for health. They can hurt. Eventually, they demand attention.
    Have you heard yourself saying “It’s not worth bringing up.” “I don’t want to deal with it right now.” “It’s not a big deal.” “It won’t make any difference.” “It doesn’t matter.” All of these are ways we use to avoid dealing with the things that bother us in relationships.
    Like an abscessed tooth, the negative emotions, such as resentment, regret, hurt, or loss seed a future “bacterial growth” and eventually damage the relationship.
    If we put off dealing with an abscessed tooth, we lose it. Putting of dealing with our negative emotions can cause us to lose a high quality dimension to a marriage or friendship. For want of understanding, we lose what was valuable.
    The replacement for that lost tooth may look and feel like the original, but a root canal cleans out the heart of the soul of the tooth. That root never grows back.
    There is always a difference deep inside.
    Dealing with unresolved issues doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. There are principles to guide through successful confrontation.
    If we have been offensive, an apology is most effective if we try to see the situation through the eyes of the other person.
    Try to put into words what the offense must have felt like for the other person. Genuine sorrow will be detected. Apologies can’t be faked.
    If we have kept a secret, sharing information that is in a relationship, but unknown to the other, may be shocking or hurtful. If the roles were switched, would you want to have the information? Preparing them by first reassuring them of your feelings for them can soften the blow. Revealing secrets allows a higher level of intimacy.
    If our feelings are hurt, waiting until we are comfortable enough to face the issue may be waiting until the “infection” has damaged beyond saving.
    Sharing how others hurt us is an unselfish way to preserve the relationship. Freedom of choice must be given.
    When the other person realizes how they hurt you, they have the choice to either continue hurting you, or begin making changes that make it easier to have positive feelings between the two involved.
    Confronting allows us to continue love each other. Ignoring issues makes it more and more difficult.