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The Real
truth
about men
Trying to understand the opposite sex is the work of a
lifetime.
Songs, books and articles are written trying to explain the basics of
men.
The recent song, “The truth about men,” inspired this column.
Real men like to feel in charge, win wars, and appreciation.
They need to know they do a good job and that they are among the best.
Shopping is enjoyable for men as long as it is quick and easy.
They rarely get excited or feel proud buying items on sale, and they
really
can’t see sales as a mechanism for “saving.”
Reason and logic drive men. When there is a task, they want it
completed. Getting started is sometimes a little difficult and nagging
them is counterproductive. Tasks get done faster if they are told only
once. When the list is complete, they like to simply relax and not be
reminded
of the chores for tomorrow.
Participating in, attending or watching sports all counts as
a man’s recreation. They become professional referees or
sportscasters
as they play, critique the games, or cheer the stars.
When it comes to their “castle,” they like to know their major
investment is cared for by all the family members. Being appreciated
for
their efforts at providing the “castle” helps them feel kingly or
knight-like.
If they are ignored in order for the house to be extremely organized
and
clean, they feel unimportant. The resulting response in actions, words,
and behaviors don’t usually help the situation.
Men are perplexed when asked for the truth about how their wife’s
hair or outfit looks. If they say “It’s great!” or “You are so
beautiful!”
their wife denies it or rolls their eyes. As a result, the man feels
like
a poor judge. On the other hand, if they say, “Well, it makes you stand
out in a crowd.” Women are crestfallen and men don’t enjoy a woman
whose
crest keeps falling.
Conversations for men are more about conquests than “issues.”
Since they believe fathers know best, debates are useless. For men,
just
being together is as good as a deep-thought conversations. Most women
need
more than just sharing a moment.
Women sense men’s agenda is completely different from theirs.
Males are accused of doing all for just one reason. According to Dr.
Phil,
this is mens best way of giving the gift of self. If rejected, they are
at a loss as to why women wouldn’t want their best. The greatest secret
is that women never reject this gift when they really feel loved. Since
men require specifics, it’s best if men ask exactly what it would take
to help women feel really loved so they can give their gift more.
Contrary to the new song about men, they are at times wrong,
and willing to admit that. They really do feel sorry and
demonstrate
their remorse in very tender ways. As far as faults go, they are human,
and offenses may very well happen again. But, when given the respect,
and
appreciation they were created to need, they are quite wonderful to
rely
on. You’re lovable, we admire you, you work hard, and women will never
completely understand you. And that’s the real truth about men.
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The
Real truth about women
Women are mysterious. An operating
manual
would be helpful. To follow the last article describing the truth about
men, it is only fitting to expose some of the truths about the intrigue
of women.
Women don’t really enjoy conflict. They are flattered but
extremely
uncomfortable when they are the prizes over which men fight. Most women
enjoy being wooed and won by the diligent efforts of men. The feminine
gender feels best when everybody is happy, and being the one to be won
is a situation in which it is impossible for both opponents to win or
to
be elated. Soft hearts of women are usually willing to give in, cater,
and take care of anyone who seems to adore her.
Shopping just for the fun of it is women’s way to go hunting.
When they bring home the bargains, they are as proud as if they just
downed
a ten-point buck!
Women are drawn to adoration, appreciation, and peace. Because
of the heightened sensitivity of women, conflict is very uncomfortable
for women, so it is confounding that women are known for nagging.
Resistance and conflict are the only consequences of nagging.
The need for peace and intimacy motivate women. They are unlikely
to express these desires directly. Men have no idea what is meant when
females, “I need you to talk to me more.” It’s too general. Successful
requests sound more like “I would really like us to be able to talk
alone
at least three times a week. Which times would be the best three
half-hours
for you?”
Watching sports, for most women, means that they will have to
stay up that much later folding clothes, cleaning the kitchen, or
scrubbing
the commodes. The time lost robs them of the ability to simply enjoy
this
favored activity of men. Evidently, women feel guilty when they aren’t
productive.
In regard to the “castle” provided by their knight, most
women would greatly appreciate help in maintaining it, while others
give
family members the idea that nobody cares for it better than they do!
The
only way to know about the queen in your castle is to ask that key
question:
“What can I do for the next thirty minutes that will help you? I’d like
to free you up to be able to spend some relaxing quality time
together.”
What women want to do during that relaxing time is talk! They
love to talk about what is going on in their world, your interests, the
issues of life in general, fears, joys, victories, and dreams for the
future.
It seems that women generally feel less loved than men. This fact is
hidden
because females are very capable of loving even when they don’t feel
very
loved themselves?
The single agenda women believe men have, will not be at the
top of female agendum IF they don’t really feel special, valued,
secure,
and loved. This is the women society’s greatest secret!
Women respond well to respect, gentleness, and tenderness. The
truth about women is that they truly enjoy peace, calm, security, and a
heartfelt chuckle. All it really takes is that they consistently feel
connected
to others–and can talk a lot. And that’s just some of the truth about
the
complexity of women.
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Sex means different
things
to males and females
Almost half of women over 30 are single. Many of them have
the idea that marriage brings fulfillment, security and happiness. The
single men they are dating have different ideas and needs.
The emotional commitment demonstrated in the act of sex
is dramatic for women. Sexual involvement without emotional commitment
however, can permanently damage us. Many times commitment seems
certain.
Consequently, high levels of disappointment, rejection, and hurt
are inflicted when one abandons the relationship. Sex before
marriage
sets us up for more than emotional hurt. What begins as pleasure,
becomes pain. The risks are exorbitant. Unplanned pregnancy
brings
the risk of tormenting consequences to an unborn child when abortion,
adoption,
or an absent parent becomes reality. Untold hurt and damage to the
child
and parents develop. The rest of the parent’s lives will be
permanently
embossed by these results. Dreams of educations, careers, and loving
family
evaporate or become difficult to realize. Self-messages about worth and
value become degrading and discouraging.
There is also the physical danger of sexually transmitted
diseases.
Many are left with lifelong plagues of herpes or warts that haunt them
forever. Other infections like AIDS, gonorrhea, and chlamydia,
have
the potential of damaging life or the ability to reproduce.
Intimacy is not found in sex alone. Intimacy is the ability
to talk comfortably about everything from the meaning of sex to the
meaning
of life. Sexual intimacy rarely leads to instant commitment. For
males, sex releases tension and brings satisfaction. To a female,
it represents emotional commitment. If the male is committed, and
acting out of unselfishness, he can find other ways to release his
tensions
rather than put the woman he supposedly loves at risk. Early sexual
experiences
can complicate future marital intimacy. Engaged in too soon, it
produces
self-defeating thoughts. When the relationship is deserted, desperate,
and terribly alone feelings confuse and devastate.
Ideally, sex is considerate of the desires of each partner.
It is not designed for selfish needs. The purpose is to express the
high
regard for each other that comes from the signed and sealed commitment
of marriage. With that commitment comes loyalty and respect, not
putting
the other at any threat or risk. Emotional hurt damages our being which
only we are responsible to protect. The choice to have sex without
official
commitment should be based on pre-planned principles that guide
our
life.
If we want to be our best as future citizens, parents, wives,
husbands, and workers, we carry the responsibility to protect what is
most
valuable to us--our being, spirit, soul, heart, mind--they’re all the
same.
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Infidelity
is really an absurd idea
Most women (80%) and men (65%) have never experienced the
earthquake-crumbling
destruction brought into a relationship by unfaithfulness to the
marriage
vows. For those who do, the event is similar in nature to murder.
There is no easy way to go through the betrayal and devastation.
The first reaction to the insult is complete disorientation. The world
can never be the same again. Fear, self-doubt, and confusion take
the controls of the offended partner. Damage and destruction begin to
have
a ripple effect as reactions to the insults and hurts reach a large
circle
of family, friends and acquaintances.
How can this broken vow be repaired? The greatest key to getting
past an affair is talking about it at length, over time, according to
more
than 1,000 spouses whose partners have been unfaithful. Accomplishing
this,
86% can survive and heal affairs of the heart.
There is no point talking until the involvement with the other
person, internet, media, or acting out activity, has ended. It would be
like going to AA while still drinking a 6-pack every day. All talk and
no show.
If the process of talking about disturbing thoughts, emotions,
and questions can continue over a period of about two years, a couple
rarely
goes back to the state of drifting aimlessly through the marriage. The
union can be stronger, more satisfying, and very rich.
The betrayed partner may ask for details repeatedly.
Uncomfortable
as that may be, the betrayer must be willing to offer the truth.
Sharing
each other’s discomfort is part of the process. Reacting defensively
stretches
the rubber band of healing, increasing the chances of it snapping back
and stinging or destroying the marriage. There is always a price to pay
for unfaithfulness.
During the readjustment period, commitment and reassurance are
vital qualities required on the parts of both involved. Admitting
needs,
fears, discomforts, as well as celebrating progress, growth, and
victories
make up the net that forms a protection around the new relationship.
Looking
at situations and relating as though it is possible to see through the
eyes of the other person helps us in understanding the wounds that have
brought about the existing situation.
It is true that those who are forgiven the most love the most
when these broken vows are truly mended. A deeper appreciation for
honesty,
openness, trust, loyalty and devotion have replaced pretending, simply
existing, and hoping that things get better.
You know, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to begin the honesty,
openness,
trust, loyalty and devotion BEFORE relationships fall prey to outsiders
or addictions. These qualities create a solid protective shield around
your connections. It takes time and effort. But the reward is that
quality
for which we all search –intimacy.
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