* Love is an emotional need!

* Inside each child is an emotional love tank

* They may know their loved, but they may not FEEL loved.

* They feel loved because the important people in their life are speaking their Love Language

* The Five Emotional Love Languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation (praising them for their qualities, what they do, or who they are; appreciating)

List two of each of your children's positive traits

#1___________________ #2________________ #3________________

___________________ ____________________ ___________________

2. Quality Time (Things done together--may be shared experience, conversation, activity)

List the last two great quality times with your children

1________________________________ 2______________________________

What two quality times you would like to do in the next month?

1_________________________________ 2_______________________________

3. Acts of Service (doing for and/or with the other, even if you don't enjoy the activity)

What could you do for or with them that would tell them they are loved?

1_________________________________ 2________________________________

4. Gifts (reminders of your commitment to love)

List special gifts you gave your child in last year

1________________ 2________________ 3________________

5. Touch (hugs, pats, holding, arm over shoulder, holding hands)

* Each child has a primary love language

* Almost never do your children have the SAME love languages

* Usually we speak OUR love language

* We must LEARN to speak the love language of our children

* We can tell what their language is by:

What they COMPLAIN about (You never..., you always..., etc)

What HURTS them deeply

What they DO for those they love

What they say they CAN'T live WITHOUT

* I think my child's LL is: ________________________________________

* We can teach our children how to get their LL spoken to them by teaching them how to make REQUESTS

* You have the CHOICE to do what fills their tank.

* Love tanks can have holes that leak love and cause them to feel less than full because of childhood abuse, neglect, or feelings of rejection.

* With full love tanks children can really FEEL loved and will grow into adults that are capable of true intimacy.

*Speaking the love language of the other person communicates that you choose to demonstrate your love to them.

* Ask your child: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how full is your love tank?"

                                                                            1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10
 

* If the response is less than 10, say "What can I do to help fill your tank?"

I feel _______________________________________________________

when you _______________________________________________________

I would like to request that ______________________________________________________

If you choose not to, ________________________________________________________

If you do, ________________________________________________________

EXAMPLES:

I feel scared when you yell at me. I would like to ask that you speak to me in a calm, polite voice. If you choose not to, I will still be afraid. If you do, I'll feel less scared and more like cooperating.

I feel lonely when I have to stay home alone.  I would like to ask that you let me go home with Amy until you get off work.  If you let me, I will feel less lonely.  If you don't, I will still have this empty place in my heart.

I feel rejected when you don't talk to me. I would like to ask that you read two pages from this book with me and talk about it tonight. If you choose not to, I can accept that, but if you do, I'll feel more loved.
 

Teach them to
ALWAYS:                              1)     EXPRESS AN EMOTION
                                                  2)     MAKE A REQUEST
                                                  3)     SET A LIMIT
                                                  4)     GIVE THEM THE CHOICE TO SAY THEY CAN'T DO WHAT YOU ASK.