The first time I heard of EMDR I was extremely skeptical.  How could something so simple accomplish so much healing? I had always thought that major healing from repetitive victimization required years of therapy and medications.  But, I had been through years of therapy and medications only to find myself having yet another nervous breakdown. . . not being able to go out of the house, clean the house, or do simple things most everyone takes for granted.  When I did go out, which was usually only to church, I fooled everyone into believing that I had it all together, even to the envy of thers.  I dressed like a million and acted like I had a million.  But inside I was dying.  I often found myself begging God to just let me die, just to take me in my sleep.  I was convinced that I was worthless, a nothing. Simply breathing air was somehow taking from others.  So how could this technique called EMDR work for me?  But, as before, I was at the end of my rope and was willing to try anything.

My husband accompanied me to my first session.  He was skeptical, but patient and supportive.  He wanted me well and whole again.

At the beginning of the first session, I was nervous, shaking and having a difficult time just talking with the therapist.  After giving my history of my major hurtful events, headphones with connected to a special CD was used to help me process the interpretation I had made during those traumas.  The sound of ocean waves passed back and forth from the right side to the left.  While I concentrated on one of my worst memories of victimization, scenes came into my mind.  It was like watching a movie in my mind while thinking of my original interpretation. Ocean waves left. . . ocean waves right. . . back and forth for several minutes.  As I watched, God entered the picture and Jesus was standing there. . . right there with me.  He said that He had always been there.  He assured me that He witnessed the abuse, and that the things done to me throughout my life had often broken His heart.  He held me, hugged me, and just loved the hurt away.  I was amazed.  I found myself laughing and crying at the same time.  Peace and warmth flooded me.  I knew the touch of Jesus because I am the wife of a minister and have had many moments with the Savior. 

By the end of the first session, I wasn't nervous, shaking, or confused. . . just peaceful and calm.  My husband remarked to me on our way home from that first evening that he actually watched a major change take place in me before his very eyes.  We were, to say the least, astonished it had worked.  I couldn't wait for our next appointment.

It has been weeks since that first meeting.  I have had several more sessions.  I can see these past abusive situations through Jesus' eyes now.  I find myself healing.  The pain from each of these memories has completely left me.  I still remember the acts just as they happened, but without pain, and without fear.

Many would doubt this EMDR could work because of its simplicity.  But, I am a living testimony that EMDR does work.  God is the therapist using a human agent. I am experiencing a kind of healing and satisfaction that I never achieved through years of therapy.