Does He Have a Sexual Addiction?

A sexual addict's wife is often hurt and confused. You can come to understand several basic truths about your husband's addiction:

            1.    The addiction is not your fault.
            2.    His addiction impacts the entire family.
            3.    The origin of his addiction lies in his early years.
            4.    You are not alone.
            5.    You are not crazy.

Some clues that you are living with a sexually compulsive man:

He looks at pornographic materials such as magazines, books, videos, the Internet, clothing catalogs
He secretly gets up at night to watch television, spend time on the computer or watch rented movies.
He will not account for the increasing number of 900 number telephone calls.
He often isolates himself and doesn't let his wife know where he is.
He is controlling during sexual activity or has frequent mood swings before or after sex. He demands sex when and where he wants it.
He has tried to switch to other forms of pornography to show he isn't dependent on one form and makes up rules to cut down on usage, but never seems to fully adhere to those rules.
He seems to be preoccupied in public with everything around him
He lacks intimacy before, during, and after sex. He offers little or no genuine intimacy in the relationship.
He gets angry when anyone shows concern about his problem with pornography.
He is increasingly dishonest.
He offers no appropriate communication during sex.
He has no close male friendships.
He frequently uses sexual humor.
He always has a good reason for looking at pornography.
He does not want to socialize with others, expecially peers who might intimidate him.
He has feelings of depression.
He hides pornography at work or at home.
He has a change of appearance and/or clothing.
He may seem to have less money than what is earned.
His behavior patterns may change.
He tries to get you to watch pornographic videos to improve your sexual encounters.
He rents a mailbox at the post office to get secretive materials.
He waxes and wanes in his spiritual devotions. Shame and guilt are at the core of this addiction.
He will apparently feel very sorrowful when he is caught engaging in his sexual addiction.
He may masturbate frequently.

WHAT can YOU do?

            1.    Deal with your anger and hurt honestly. It's natural to feel hurt, rejection, control, and
                    worthlessness. Negative emotions need expression to prevent damage to your soul.
            2.    Get help for both of you. If he is not interested, at least get some counseling for yourself.
            3.    Spend time with others who can support you. Join a group of some kind.
            4.    Be clear, yet kind, in your limitations and the consequences for ignoring your limits.

Free resources and workshop information can be yours by contacting the following organization:
Encountering Spiritual Truth Healing Encouragement & Release, Box 2874, Tupelo, MS 38803; 662-842-0580 or Tollfree 1-877-6 ESTHER
www.estheronline.org
BOOK: "Don't Call it Love" by Patrick Carnes
"Pure Desire" by Ted Roberts